It was finding this "article" on Wiki How: How to Embrace Your Curves, found here, that compelled me to write this post. This is good, because I skipped two months of blog writing! This post is sort of about beauty, but mostly about perception of it.
This article is a bit shit. It seems innocent enough for the first few steps, and then it really gets into the problematic soy-meat of the sandwich. To many people it may not occur, that the article itself is inherently fat-phobic. It says "Bigger women are far more beautiful", and then it instructs the reader to smile more, as "Moody faces tend to look less attractive and slightly chubbier." I'm sorry, what? I thought you just said that it is okay to be chubby because you're beautiful? It also goes on to say, toward the end, that "There are many curvy ladies who are incredibly beautiful". Okay... so what if the reader of this article is not one of the beautiful ones? You just told them in step four that they are sexy... So why now are you telling them that not all of them are? Many implies not all, am I right?
I have enough issues with the steps on how to "embrace" your curves - but then we get to the Tips section. First of all: "Avoid skinny jeans, and they can make legs look lumpy." Some of you may be judgementally thinking - yeah that's a good idea because who wants to see lumpy legs? Well, I would guess the author of this article? They have, after all, just finished telling the reader that they are more beautiful than thin women, right? Then there is the part where they tell the reader to:
"opt for jeggings(jean-style leggings) or plain black leggings, in a size
larger than your normal jean size (so, if you're normally a 14, get a
16). This makes them roomier, and much more comfortable, and allow for
them to be pulled up more, which is especially good for any women who
are conscious of their stomach. You can pull them over your stomach and
then put your top on, and you will look flatter around your tummy!"
I do note that the writer has been careful of how they wrote most of this article - making sure their language suggests it is the reader's opinion of themselves that will lead them to take these steps, rather than a value judgement from the author. This is good. The content, however, just pushes women into those accepted paradigms of women not being allowed to have lumps, unless they're on your chest or ass. Then there is this wonderful example of judgement of thin women, which I would definitely call defensive thin-phobia:
"Skinny doesn't mean beautiful, so don't feel down when you're flicking
through a magazine full of thin women. Keep in mind that they will
probably never know the beauty that comes with being a curvy woman."
Yeah, so, why are we pitting the two against each other? Why are thin women scapegoated as the oppressors of not-so-thin women? Sure, there is a minority of thinner women with fat phobia, but there are women (and other genders) of all shapes and sizes with fat phobia.
Then there is this gem: "High heels can make you look taller, which will compliment your shape." This is very carefully worded. What it actually means is wear oppressively uncomfortable footwear and put on a fake smile - it will make you look taller which will make you appear to have a more socially acceptable width-to-height ratio, so people who would otherwise judge you can have a few moments off being a dick. Lucky them.
What about those of us who are neither fat nor thin? We get judgements from both sides. Some people think we are hot because we're curvy but not "fat", and some people wouldn't date us unless we went on a fasting diet and lifted weights for a year. Then there is the problematic assumption that your self-worth should even be based on other people's perception of your attractiveness. Here is my response to the article, which I voted down:
"This article is fat-phobic while trying to be helpful. It implies
that your face is not allowed to look chubby, so you should smile. Most women
are insecure enough about their bodies without having to put on a fake
smile too. All throughout this article it implies that in order to love
your body - it has to be attractive to someone else. This is not
helpful. If we are constantly in search of someone to find us attractive
in order to have self-worth, then we will never fully embrace our own
beauty.
This constant comparison to "thin women" also doesn't help. Women do the comparison thing far too often as it is. Size is a spectrum. Attraction is subjective. So is self-worth - and it doesn't range from thin = I feel great to fat = I feel crap.
This article is problematic, and I can't believe it is considered "an exceptionally high quality new article". Actually, yes I can."
I think that sums up nicely what I have been trying to say.
On a personal note, I grew up being teased for being "ugly", and since I have grown up, I have been told otherwise. It has been very difficult believing the more current statements. It has taken me a long time to shake off my past of being constantly negatively judged. In fact, I haven't shaken it off yet. I don't know many women who have shaken off past judgements. Often the worst judgements come from women ourselves, because we need someone to compare ourselves to in order to feel better about our own bodies. That's my guess anyway. Men are capable of leaving lasting impressions too, of course. When I was 17, my boyfriend told me he wanted to get fit. Then he added, very pointedly: "you should get fit too". This was the first guy who had ever seen me, in my adult form, sans clothes. Then more recently, a male friend of mine added to my collection of things to never forget. I had just broken up with my last boyfriend, not by choice, and my friend had invited me to his place for breakfast. I informed him, while in his kitchen, that I had recently lost seven kilos. I thought it was interesting, and not at all good or bad - I was just curious as to how it had happened. He responded with a jovial "Congratulations!". I did the thing that probably people should never do, and asked "why? Did you think I needed to?" to which he replied, under his breath, "couldn't hurt".
Every woman, fat or thin or in between, has stories like this. Men too will have their own stories. All genders face judgement of their physical form. All genders do the judging. I think it is our job, as thinking individuals, to check our own thoughts and thought-patterns.
I will leave you with two things that I think are awesome: this woman, who is my hero for being braver than I, and for acknowledging that there are also bigger issues at hand.
And this infographic.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to tidy my room!