Feminisms

I haven't written about feminism much before. I certainly haven't written about my feminism. I believe there are many - each feminist has a differing feminism, because each feminist has differing experiences. So anyway - here I'll talk a little about mine.

I was at an event tonight designed to "showcase" some of our members of parliament in a humorous light. Tonight there were only women MPs allowed to be on the show, as the theme was feminism and "womens' issues". There are usually four guests - tonight there were three. Could other parties not drum up a woman to speak on their behalf? Were they asked? I personally would have enjoyed hearing from a usually quite sane Tracey Martin (NZ First) and asking her about her party's stance on marriage equality... Anyway, that's not my point. My point is that it shouldn't have been too hard for other parties, not just National, Labour and the Greens to get female representatives on the show. I do not know why it was - but I am almost convinced it is because we still need feminism. When my friend was asked to be on the show a few weeks ago as a young politician, she was terrified. I think this is not because she is young and scared to muck up as a young person, I think it's because we still need feminism. Tonight on the show when the presenters went around asking audience members their opinions on things, and women ummed and questioned their way through their answers, and looked imploringly at the questioner for permission to "not know much", I think that too is because we still need feminism.

Women are given a voice in this country - we're privileged. The thing is, we're too bloody scared to use it! Women, as the vox pop from the show tells us, can think feminism is dead - something that Caitlin Moran believes shows it definitely isn't - in fact she thinks this belief shows that it's very much alive and to some extent, working. Unfortunately Caitlin Moran forgets herself that she is an able-bodied white woman and that you don't need a vagina to be a feminist... Seriously! Her check-list to see if you are a feminist: "a) Do you have a vagina? and b) Do you want to be in charge of it?", is flawed, bordering on disgustingly flawed. As is her belief that she wasn't a woman when she was sixteen because she wasn't "human shaped", but was "a 16 stone triangle", and didn't do "human things" like walking, running, dancing, swimming or climbing the stairs. Feminists like her, use her voice and then feminists like me use my voice to question her beliefs, in this safe weblog environment... But would I be able to articulate my thoughts on this if you asked me randomly in the street, or even asked me to speak on a show, with advance preparation? I think not - I think I would freak out because of All the Other Things I've had to learn and unlearn in my life. Like how to be a good friend, how to be attractive to blokes, how to stay true to myself while still fulfilling some kind of feminine idea, how to not care that I might be slightly overweight, but still half-assedly try to do something about it because I think I'm supposed to, how to use my brain but still have time to be social, how to Know More Things but still manage to play with my sense of style by putting in the time to find the Things in op shops, how to know and care what's in my "feminine hygiene" products, "beauty" products, food, how to get through things based mainly on intuition because my brain just can't take in any more Stuff... It's exhausting being me - I can't say it's exhausting being a woman because I don't know any other womens' experience first hand - but it's exhausting wanting to be So Much More than I am, and then feeling like I have to ask for permission not to be - because of all those expectations.

I'm not saying that women across the board have more complicated lives than men and this is why we have to cram so much more in and can't find simple answers when they're needed in off-the-cuff situations. I am saying that in my experience, for the most part, the women I know are trying to be All the Things. We're so busy trying to be all those things that when we're stopped and asked for our perspective on them - we might get a bit tongue-tied! I also wonder if this is why women are under-represented in parliament? Another reason might be that women are too smart, and realise that parliament is a largely horrible waste of time? I'm not sure - I only know that this is partly why you won't see me in there. It's still not a safe environment for women, able-bodied, white, heterosexual, born -or otherwise. It's just not. Louise Upston (National) tonight said that MPs are chosen on their merits - and that is supposedly why only a quarter of their list is made up of women, and only a third of those in parliament. Merits. It was at that point that I walked out.

As long as we're scared to be ourselves (whatever that is!!!) in public, for whatever reason, while our cis male counterparts are unquestionably empowered at almost every turn - we still need to look at every and all institutional infrastructures and ask why they are that way. For me this is what feminism is. For you it might be something different, but as long as I see room for improvement in the world for women of every kind, in the world made by and for a certain type of man - I know that my feminism is not dead.

We still need feminisms.